Well That Was a Swift Kick to the Balls


What if Johnson didn’t deflect that first goal? What if Sterling never came off the pitch? What if Countinho had fouled them on the counter? What if Henderson wasn’t suspended for 3 games on a stupid tackle? What if Gerrard didn’t slip last weekend? What if Sturridge scored instead of hitting the post? What if Sakho buried that header in the beginning of the match? WHAT IF LIVERPOOL DIDN’T COMPLETELY JUST SHIT THE MOTHER FUCKING BED?!?!


For fucks sake it took me almost an entire week to get over Gerrard’s slip-and-fall John Terry moment and this was not what we needed. I literally sat in my cubical awestruck. It was 5pm, and I wasn’t going home. My workphone was ringing, and I wasn’t picking up. Friends were texting me about the result, and I wasn’t texting “Fuck you” back. This one really hurt. Like Patriots losing the Superbowl in 2007 hurt. Now there still is an outside chance that City can lose one of their final two games, but realistically, the seasons over.

Before I go any further, I wanted to touch on something regarding CoTW. I know I haven’t been updating this site with any form of regularity lately, but there were a few sneaky and backdoor reasons for that. First off, work: We have both been bananas busy for the past year and don’t have much cubical time to make any updates. Until we start making some internet money off this site, it ain’t paying any bills. Second, and the sneakier one: Immediately following my last post back on Christmas Eve, Liverpool dropped from the top of the table all the way down to 5th in less than 2 weeks. I wasn’t willing to risk any hoodoo (definitely not using that word properly) or jinx. Maybe I was a little bit too cocky in my post and this was some karma coming back at me? I wasn’t willing to risk it, and on superstition alone, I let the site go dark for 5 months. I did however pay for the URL to stay up because I knew that at the end of the season, I was going to be blogging my tits off once again. And that time has basically come.

Now, getting back to that awful moment earlier this afternoon when the FT whistle blew. Here I am, ready to blow my fucking brains out when out of nowhere I’m hit directly in the face by this little minx.

rlowenbcRebecca Lowe coming in HOT with the aggressive leg placement. I don’t know whether to make a run to the tissue box for my tears or for my love butter. I’m not gonna lie, going from 6 to Midnight immediately after having your heart ripped out is a pretty strange feeling. However, it was right around this moment when I realized that there was in fact, still a God. Now I want to take a moment to thank Rebecca, her legs and all of the other people over at NBC Sports who have made this season one to remember from an American perspective. I will have more on their amazing season coverage later on this week.

But now back to Liverpool. This is one of the strangest feelings that I’ve encountered since I began following the team a while back. Last year if you told me that we would be challenging for the title, would breeze into the Champions League, and that Luis Suarez would not only stay at the club, but tie the EPL goal scoring record, I would have told you to fuck off and leave me alone. But all of that happened. And there is still that slim chance that City will slip up over the next two matches and Pool could do the unthinkable. I mean, this season could have been a whole lot worse, right United Fans?

moyes11Now don’t get me wrong, there are a ton of things that Liverpool really need to focus on in the off-season. At the very top of that list should be their defense. Holy shit I have never seen a defensive back 4 fold like a cheap suit so many times in one season. Why on earth was Rodger’s playing Sakho with Skrtel so many times this season? They have only paired together 17 times, and of those 17, have kept only 1 clean sheet. What the fuck is going on the Agger? All I’ve heard for the past year is that Barca is lining up an offer for him and that B.Rodge doesn’t like his style of play. Really Rodgers? Agger and Skrtel have been holding down the fort since 2008, and this year we decide to mix it up and toss in Sakho and Kolo “lolz” Toure. Now Sakho alone is fine. He’s a solid back and more importantly an excellent back line sub in FIFA 2014. And don’t get me started on Glen “Thunder Touch” Johnson. How many times can an overpaid RB sprint up the line, get the ball, dribble dribble dribble, shit cross and then job back to his defensive position while he watches the opposition score on the counter attack. Jesus Christ. Get him off the team. Literally the only player that was a stud in my opinion on the back line was Jon Flanagan. I freakin love me some Flano.


Aside | This entry was posted in Champions League, Premier Leauge, Troll Corner and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Well That Was a Swift Kick to the Balls

  1. Larry Boyles says:

    Agree. Rebecca Lowe’s legs drive me completely insane!

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