LFC Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place with Suarez

celwalls.com_3075Deadspin: Liverpool fans are saying that Suárez isn’t showing loyalty, but let’s dispense with the idea that an athlete who was bought by a club and therefore can be sold at any time should or even can have loyalty approaching that of a supporter. And now, Suárez and Liverpool are at an impasse. With only a few weeks left until the end of the summer transfer window and Arsenal waiting to move, the question is whether the Uruguayan will win out, or Liverpool can hold on long enough to keep the player at the club. It’s generally a terrible idea to pay and play someone who doesn’t want to be there, but for Liverpool, the alternative is much scarier.

simpsons-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-placeGoddamnit; it’s about time I weigh in with my thoughts regarding the seemingly endless transfer saga of Luis Suarez. First and foremost, I absolutely love watching this psychopath play every week for Liverpool. If you can look past his insanely racist ways, violent zombie-like outbursts and his propensity for diving; you’ll find at the core, that he’s just a lovable guy with a crooked smile who can score 20+ goals per season and keep your favorite team from entering the dreaded Relegation Conversation. That being said, he’s gotta go, just not to Arsenal.

wengerbottle595One of the worst situations in all sports is an unhappy soccer star who is reluctantly playing for a team that he has lost interest in (see Carlos Tevez). If Liverpool can somehow hold onto Suarez, shit’s gonna get ugly real fast. We’ve all seen what Suarez can do when he is happy with the team that he is playing for, I don’t even wanna know what it’s going to look like when he starts on a team that he gives less than 2 shits about. This whole thing started last summer when LFC held talks with Suarez regarding his deal, where they specifically told him that if they didn’t make the Champions League in the following season, they would let him go elsewhere. Whelp, Liverpool didn’t even come close to making the Champions League last season, finishing 12 points out of 4th place; they didn’t even qualify for the NIT Europa League for fuck’s sake. Liverpool should honestly just take their chips and cash out. They would be certain to double their original investment and it’ll allow them to go into the market and find players that ACTUALLY WANT TO PLAY AT ANFIELD.


The only problem with this: Him going to Arsenal. Please for the love of God, don’t let that happen. The Suarez partnership with Liverpool was like a horrible marriage where the only positive about the entire relationship was the sex (goals). If you had to go through a messy divorce, would you want your diamond in the sack ex to move across the street and start banging your dickhead neighbors? Quick answer; fuck no. You’d want her to settle down somewhere in Siberia, or in the case of Suarez, Spain/Germany.

If I have to go through this breakup only to see him score 20+ goals down at the Emirates, my head might explode. It’ll be like what Arsenal fans felt about RVP smashing home goals all season for Man U. I might actually have a mental breakdown. Everytime I play Ben (bmcadwell, dickhead Arsenal supporter) in FIFA and he scores against me with Suarez, I’m honestly going to start crying hysterically. The only way I am cool with the offloading of Suarez is if A.) We receive at least £45m and B.) For said money to be from Real Madrid or Bayern Munich.


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