David Beckham Causes Stampede in China



The Telegraph: David Beckham was forced to cancel an appearance at a Shanghai university on Thursday after the footballing icon’s visit triggered a “stampede” that left at least five people injured. Within minutes of Mr Beckham stepping out from a Bentley, pandemonium broke out, witnesses said, as autograph-hunting fans surged towards China’s new football ambassador.

The Shanghai Daily newspaper said two security guards, two members of university staff and one foreign student had been injured and taken to hospital. A kick-around with university players was cancelled.

I don’t care what anyone in the corrupt Chinese media says, the woman/man/Chinaman pictured above is straight up dead. “5 people injured,” yeah okay China. Look at that face! Rigor mortis city. We’ve all read Orwell’s  dystopian classic “1984;” ignorance is strength, war is peace, 2+2=5 etc, so you really aren’t fooling anyone China. Why don’t you just come out and admit that over 100 were lost in the Beckham Stampede of 2013. Do you think that this will tarnish your international reputation? HA! The Red Cross would probably put up a relief effort and a benefit concert in your name, but then again, you guys don’t allow music so I don’t really know what we people here in the free countries can do to help. 

Beckham hospitalizes people with his awesomeness and bourgeoisie-ness all over the world just by walking down the damn street. The man literally started a STAMPEDE for Christ’s sake. That’s Fab Four status right there. Starting stampedes like your name was Ringo, John, Paul and George. You know that somewhere in the back of his mind he’s got a new sense of accomplishment. Is there anything on this planet that the man hasn’t done yet? Quick answer: Fuck no. He’s done anything and everything that you wish you could. Because let’s all remember the one rule that will always remain true: It’s David Beckham’s World and We’re All Just Living in it.

UPDATE: Video footage of the mob has been put on the interwebs, and here it is…

This entry was posted in Footy Finance, International Fixtures, Random, Troll Corner and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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